Apples

A friend of mine just sent me this image. i don't know why. maybe to cheer me up? I wonder. oh well... i'll just share it here...

If Karma Were True...

Then my new year's wish would be a reversal of this wretched fate. Or if not, a deep and true understanding of my current karmic cycle.

Everything is in a disarray. Everything doesn't make sense now. The light of clarity evades my grasp. I am lost.

Can someone just pass by and save me from this? I'm drowning and gasping for air. Someone stop this unrelenting rain.

Last Photos of the Year (i guess)

Lunch at Guava, Serendra

Just decided to have a lunch out on the last work day of the year...

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Red Eye
2 Megapixels
1/250
2.5f
200 ISO

Solar Entertainment Marketing & Sales Christmas Party 2007

Started out with using Billy's SLR, but since it lost Battery life I switched to my P&S Fuji. so here are the back up photos till i get a hold of the shots i made with Billy's...

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Cityscape

4 Megapixels
1/250
2.5f
200 ISO

Last Saturday of 2007

Made big decisions and gone on little adventures...

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Ivan Transit
4 Megapixels
2.5f
1/250
100 ISO

no matter how hard we try, we find our way back with each other.
I know it doesn't make sense. But here we are.

You are fine. You are nice. There might be sparks but, I don't want to be into you. I think I can only start seeing you If I know for sure that it is safe. No doubts. 'Coz you are not the only one in my mind.

Will you stick with me or will you just walk away? you don't have to worry. I am used to it. Let's figure this out one last time. Will you whisk me away and make me forget? Too bad, you have me with a fucked up mind.

I'm sorry but, I must be fair.

What is the difference between loving a person and being in love with a person?

Loving a person is giving what you have. Doing what you can for the other. You will never want to hurt the person. In Love? It's being stupid and losing yourself. A blur of passion and reason. You will do anything and even an extra mile for the person that you are in love with. Being in love is giving more what you can offer. A leap of faith. An acceptance of everything.

To love is a choice but to be in love, well you just find yourself in it.

You can never really define the difference between the two.

But, I know that I am still "in love" with someone. Something that is wrong and never should be anymore. I know I can't and I shouldn't but still I do. And it pains me everyday. I want it to end already to make it go away. But it's hard. I'm surprised I'm having a hard time about it.

I'm just a fucked up guy searching for his own peace of mind. I'm not perfect.

Two in one day

Two albums...

Snapshots #9 Greenbelt and the Compass

I accompanied my friend, Ivan, to watch the Golden Compass at Glorrietta. We decided to kill time at Powerbooks GB3 after...

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Ivan the Pure
4 Megapixels
1/500
2.5f
200 ISO

and then after that later that night...

Icebergs at Timog Area

Went to Icebergs in the Morato Area after having a hearty meal after a quest...

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Neckie necky
4 Megapixels
200 ISO
1/250
2.5f

Thanksgiving

It was peachie's thanksgiving when Trillanes Decided to badger the Republic, the people, the Manila Pen and of course the party. Not to be outdone by the sudden curfew, we rushed to Batasan Hills and stuffed ourselves with Turkey and alcohol, among others...

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Pepe la Peachie
4 Megapixels
2.5f
400 iso

zero to none

All I wanted was to just live in a peaceful and very neutral life. A life devoid of battles and drama. A perfect picture of a lazy old man sitting by the edge of a stream and waiting for fish to tug at the line.

But, growth jumps on you with a serious thump.

Instead, I get a barrage of serious blows to the face that leave me toothless, weak-kneed and bruised. A very despicable scene where you hear the crowd cheering on for my demise. I barely roll with the punches and get hit by the boot a thousand times.

And yet I still manage to stand up and dust myself off, bravely wearing my scars. Steadily walking towards the next tempest of madness with a glimmer in the eye and a broken smile.

yep

Even in the darkest hour,
the light of hope springs eternal...

Never give up.

Good Luck

Juno: so... I'm sorry... I've thought about it very hard. Really really hard and it's this...
Mac:...
Juno: We're not ready and we seem to just be using each other. Maybe it shouldn't be us. Maybe we have this to make us realize how f*%ked up we are. We couldn't just fool each other, fool ourselves and other people forever. I just want to make it clean.
Mac: I agree. We shouldn't just crap anytime, anywhere or with anyone. I know it's wrong and I've been denying it. I'm sorry, too... So, this is it I guess...
Juno: I think so. It's for the better... We don't want to end up getting trapped and hurt in the long run.
Mac: I like you, you know? I was willing to give it a chance.
Juno: But, It's not enough.
Mac: I know...

Mac: I wonder what will happen to us... will we ever get saved?
Juno: The only saving that we can get is from ourselves...
Mac: Good luck...

Boombox Tropezz

What do you do when you're stressed and bummed out from work? Then use the company's event to water it down with fun and alcohol with officemates.

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Infernal Tonic
4 Megapixels
400 ISO
1/250
2.5f

Boombox Eastwood

Got hammered really well that night. I enjoyed the sights and sounds, thanks to Margarita King's shot Me Babies... Then off we went to Jack's Loft (an ample name) to cap the night with food and drinks. Then, thinking that the night wasn't finished, we dashed to Katipunan to water the whole night's buzz with several Red Horses and Granmas at the Meatshop. No wonder we ended up sleeping over at Armi's place in Antipolo.

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Jett Pangan
4 Megapixels
400 ISO
1/500
2.5f

Lines and Rules

It's all about lines. The finish line at the end of a challenge. Waiting in line for a chance to be on the spotlight. And then there's the most important line, the line separating you from the people you work with. It doesn't help to get too familiar. To make friends. You need boundaries between you and the rest of the world. Other people are far too messy. It's all about lines. Drawing lines in the sand, and praying like hell nobody crosses them.

At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out, they fence you in. Life is messy, that's how we're made. So you can waste your life drawing lines or you can live your life crossing them. But, there are some lines that are way too dangerous to cross.But, here's what I know: If you're willing to throw caution to the wind and take a chance, the view from the other side might be spectacular.

-0-0-0-0

Intimacy is a four syllable word for: Here is my heart and soul, please grind into a hamburger and enjoy. It's both desired, and feared. Difficult to live with, and impossible to live without. Intimacy also comes attached to various things. There are some things you can't escape. And other things you just don't want to know.

I wish there were a rulebook for intimacy. Some kind of guide to tell you when you've crossed the line. It would be nice if you could see it coming, and I don't know how you fit it on a map. You take it where you can get it, and keep it as long as you can. As for rules, maybe there are none. Maybe the rules of intimacy are something we have to define for ourselves.

Encounter

Last night

As I was walking past your office building
you chased after me

you said hi. I said hello
You asked if I was okay, and I weakly said yes.
You smiled and I was okay.

I want to make a step after all.

Shackled. curled.

Never expected to feel this so soon. So foolish. I am cloaked with confusion and at the same time with fear. I am not supposed to feel this way with you. But, every signal in my body , every electrical impulse that speeds past my nerves convulse with elation.

Wounds are wounds even if they don't hurt anymore. And yet you still poke it with your fingertips. You don't know where I came from nor I with where you're from. But, we are heading towards the same direction.

I am staked where I am. I fear making a step. This shoudn't have happened anyway. Damn you, this is all your fault.

All Hallow's Eve

An unbelievable season of loss and gain. Never expected to survive. Surprisingly, my life is not that spooky like before. Perhaps, I have been through worse to consider menial things to be horrendous.

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The Make-up Artiste
2 Megapixels
2.5 f
ISO 100
1/500
October 27, 2007

We all need answers

They say I have the gift in finding answers for other people regarding their lives.

But, I never find answers for my own.

I just need one. At least once.
to have someone find answers for me.
in this crazy little world.

Just once
someone might just happen to pass by
and share his umbrella
and hide me from this unrelenting rain.

Rising again

Surprisingly.
as days go by
I learn to smile at the sunset.

I have no fear of the darkness.
there's no need to.

I just need to remember
that I should not forget the sunrise.

I don't need to try any longer
I just have to let it be
and let myself find me on its own.

Really, I am...

I may seem silent and still.
But, the war and chaos still rages on inside me.
When will I get a truce?

I Just Can't Find Myself...

Contrary to the fact that I am wearing a yin-yang earring, I am in a disarray. A lot of things in my life have tipped the balance and now I am in a state of confusion. And I am hating it. Very. No matter how hard I try to just shove it back to its usual balance, I just can't seem to put it back. No matter how hard I deny it, the more it take its toll on me. I guess I just have to let it flow.

I can't believe and won't accept that these things happened because of certain things. I just can't.

One thing I hate about it the most is that somehow it changed me. Against my will and I am afraid that I will never be the same old guy I used to be and I was comfortable with the old me. I can't seem to enjoy the things I usually enjoy. Whenever I try doing those things I just end up disappointed and confused. I miss everything about me. I miss shooting for my photography and it is a big chunk of who I really was. But, I won't give up on that yet. Not just yet. I miss shooting. And I will really try hard to get back on it. It is my dream career after all.

Hoooboy, When will I get myself back? When will I find myeslf again? I hope I do, somewhere, somehow.

and i ramble again...