zero to none

All I wanted was to just live in a peaceful and very neutral life. A life devoid of battles and drama. A perfect picture of a lazy old man sitting by the edge of a stream and waiting for fish to tug at the line.

But, growth jumps on you with a serious thump.

Instead, I get a barrage of serious blows to the face that leave me toothless, weak-kneed and bruised. A very despicable scene where you hear the crowd cheering on for my demise. I barely roll with the punches and get hit by the boot a thousand times.

And yet I still manage to stand up and dust myself off, bravely wearing my scars. Steadily walking towards the next tempest of madness with a glimmer in the eye and a broken smile.

yep

Even in the darkest hour,
the light of hope springs eternal...

Never give up.

Good Luck

Juno: so... I'm sorry... I've thought about it very hard. Really really hard and it's this...
Mac:...
Juno: We're not ready and we seem to just be using each other. Maybe it shouldn't be us. Maybe we have this to make us realize how f*%ked up we are. We couldn't just fool each other, fool ourselves and other people forever. I just want to make it clean.
Mac: I agree. We shouldn't just crap anytime, anywhere or with anyone. I know it's wrong and I've been denying it. I'm sorry, too... So, this is it I guess...
Juno: I think so. It's for the better... We don't want to end up getting trapped and hurt in the long run.
Mac: I like you, you know? I was willing to give it a chance.
Juno: But, It's not enough.
Mac: I know...

Mac: I wonder what will happen to us... will we ever get saved?
Juno: The only saving that we can get is from ourselves...
Mac: Good luck...

Boombox Tropezz

What do you do when you're stressed and bummed out from work? Then use the company's event to water it down with fun and alcohol with officemates.

Click on the image for the album.

Infernal Tonic
4 Megapixels
400 ISO
1/250
2.5f

Boombox Eastwood

Got hammered really well that night. I enjoyed the sights and sounds, thanks to Margarita King's shot Me Babies... Then off we went to Jack's Loft (an ample name) to cap the night with food and drinks. Then, thinking that the night wasn't finished, we dashed to Katipunan to water the whole night's buzz with several Red Horses and Granmas at the Meatshop. No wonder we ended up sleeping over at Armi's place in Antipolo.

Click on the Image for the Album.

Jett Pangan
4 Megapixels
400 ISO
1/500
2.5f

Lines and Rules

It's all about lines. The finish line at the end of a challenge. Waiting in line for a chance to be on the spotlight. And then there's the most important line, the line separating you from the people you work with. It doesn't help to get too familiar. To make friends. You need boundaries between you and the rest of the world. Other people are far too messy. It's all about lines. Drawing lines in the sand, and praying like hell nobody crosses them.

At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out, they fence you in. Life is messy, that's how we're made. So you can waste your life drawing lines or you can live your life crossing them. But, there are some lines that are way too dangerous to cross.But, here's what I know: If you're willing to throw caution to the wind and take a chance, the view from the other side might be spectacular.

-0-0-0-0

Intimacy is a four syllable word for: Here is my heart and soul, please grind into a hamburger and enjoy. It's both desired, and feared. Difficult to live with, and impossible to live without. Intimacy also comes attached to various things. There are some things you can't escape. And other things you just don't want to know.

I wish there were a rulebook for intimacy. Some kind of guide to tell you when you've crossed the line. It would be nice if you could see it coming, and I don't know how you fit it on a map. You take it where you can get it, and keep it as long as you can. As for rules, maybe there are none. Maybe the rules of intimacy are something we have to define for ourselves.

Encounter

Last night

As I was walking past your office building
you chased after me

you said hi. I said hello
You asked if I was okay, and I weakly said yes.
You smiled and I was okay.

I want to make a step after all.

Shackled. curled.

Never expected to feel this so soon. So foolish. I am cloaked with confusion and at the same time with fear. I am not supposed to feel this way with you. But, every signal in my body , every electrical impulse that speeds past my nerves convulse with elation.

Wounds are wounds even if they don't hurt anymore. And yet you still poke it with your fingertips. You don't know where I came from nor I with where you're from. But, we are heading towards the same direction.

I am staked where I am. I fear making a step. This shoudn't have happened anyway. Damn you, this is all your fault.

All Hallow's Eve

An unbelievable season of loss and gain. Never expected to survive. Surprisingly, my life is not that spooky like before. Perhaps, I have been through worse to consider menial things to be horrendous.

Click on the image for the album.

The Make-up Artiste
2 Megapixels
2.5 f
ISO 100
1/500
October 27, 2007

We all need answers

They say I have the gift in finding answers for other people regarding their lives.

But, I never find answers for my own.

I just need one. At least once.
to have someone find answers for me.
in this crazy little world.

Just once
someone might just happen to pass by
and share his umbrella
and hide me from this unrelenting rain.

Rising again

Surprisingly.
as days go by
I learn to smile at the sunset.

I have no fear of the darkness.
there's no need to.

I just need to remember
that I should not forget the sunrise.

I don't need to try any longer
I just have to let it be
and let myself find me on its own.

Really, I am...

I may seem silent and still.
But, the war and chaos still rages on inside me.
When will I get a truce?

I Just Can't Find Myself...

Contrary to the fact that I am wearing a yin-yang earring, I am in a disarray. A lot of things in my life have tipped the balance and now I am in a state of confusion. And I am hating it. Very. No matter how hard I try to just shove it back to its usual balance, I just can't seem to put it back. No matter how hard I deny it, the more it take its toll on me. I guess I just have to let it flow.

I can't believe and won't accept that these things happened because of certain things. I just can't.

One thing I hate about it the most is that somehow it changed me. Against my will and I am afraid that I will never be the same old guy I used to be and I was comfortable with the old me. I can't seem to enjoy the things I usually enjoy. Whenever I try doing those things I just end up disappointed and confused. I miss everything about me. I miss shooting for my photography and it is a big chunk of who I really was. But, I won't give up on that yet. Not just yet. I miss shooting. And I will really try hard to get back on it. It is my dream career after all.

Hoooboy, When will I get myself back? When will I find myeslf again? I hope I do, somewhere, somehow.

and i ramble again...

Jack TV invites you to Rock!

The Dating Persona

The Boy Next Door Random Gentle Love Dreamer (RGLD) http://panther.is0.okcupid.com/graphics/persons/RGLDm.gif" alt="The Boy Next Door" style="float: left;"> Kind, yearning, playful, you are The Boy Next Door. You're looking for real Love, a lot like girls do. It might not be manly, but it's sweet. We think the next three years will be very exciting and fruitful ones for you. Your spontaneous, creative side makes you a charming date, and we think you have a horny side just waiting to shine. Or glisten, rather. You enter new relationships unusually hopeful, and the first moments are especially glorious. If you've had some things not work out before, so what. On paper, most gay guys would name the Boy Next Door as their ideal mate. In the real world, however, you're often passed over for more dangerous or masculine men. You're the typical "nice guy:" without just a touch of cockiness, you're doomed with boys. A shoulder to cry on? Okay, sure. But never a penis to hold. More than any other type, Boys Next Door evolve as they get older. As we said, many find true love, but some fail miserably in the search. These tarnished few grow up to be The Men Next Door, who are creepy as hell, offering backrubs to kids and what not. Your exact male opposite: The 5-Night Stand http://panther.is0.okcupid.com/graphics/persons/DBSMm_thumb.gif" alt="The 5-Night Stand" style="border: 1px solid rgb(221, 221, 221); padding: 3px; background: rgb(255, 255, 255) none repeat scroll 0%; -moz-background-clip: -moz-initial; -moz-background-origin: -moz-initial; -moz-background-inline-policy: -moz-initial;"> Deliberate Brutal Sex Master Always avoid: The Billy Goat (DBSD) Consider: The Gentleman (DGLM), The Loverboy (RGLM)

Link: The Online Dating Persona Test @ OkCupid - free online dating.

some things you do when you're bored...

Your Personality Is

http://images.blogthings.com/threequestionpersonalitytest/nf.jpg" height="100" width="100"> Idealist (NF) You are a passionate, caring, and unique person. You are good at expressing yourself and sharing your ideals. You are the most compassionate of all types and connect with others easily. Your heart tends to rule you. You can't make decisions without considering feelings. You seek out other empathetic people to befriend. Truth and authenticity matters in your friendships. In love, you give everything you have to relationships. You fall in love easily. At work, you crave personal expression and meaning in your career. With others, you communicate well. You can spend all night talking with someone. As far as your looks go, you've likely taken the time to develop your own personal style. On weekends, you like to be with others. Charity work is also a favorite pastime of yours.

The>http://www.blogthings.com/threequestionpersonalitytest/">The Three Question Personality Test

You Are a Dreaming Soul

http://images.blogthings.com/whatkindofsoulareyouquiz/dreaming-soul.jpg" height="100" width="100"> Your vivid emotions and imagination takes you away from this world So much so that you tend to live in your head most of the time You have great dreams and ambitions that could be the envy of all... But for you, following through with your dreams is a bit difficult You are charming, endearing, and people tend to love you. Forgiving and tolerant, you see the world through rose colored glasses. Underneath it all, you have a ton of passion that you hide from others. Always hopeful, you tend to expect positive outcomes in your life. Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul, Prophet Soul, and Traveler Soul

What>http://www.blogthings.com/whatkindofsoulareyouquiz/">What Kind of Soul Are You?

and before i return to slumber...

Here I am. Woke up in the middle of the night. Woke up on the witching hour. Wondering (or worrying?) of what is in store for me within the days ahead. I can hear the loud chirping of cicadas outside. Echoing throughout the night. An echo that stirs wildly at my self that makes me anxious of my dreamless sleep. For unimaginative slumbers and anchored consciousness. Marooned indefinitely.

I am empty. Fill me up to the brim and I shall be in gratitude.

When shall I smile? A smile that tugs me from the inside. And since my mind is numbed from the sudden rise from slumber, I shall succumb to it again. Funny how your mind refuses to give you words when in half-dimwittedness. I need help. My soul is drowning in darkness. I need vision. Goodnight.

Honestly...

I'm mad at myself, not you. I'm mad for always being nice. I'm mad for always apologizing for things i didn't do. I'm mad for getting attached. I'm mad for depending on you and wasting my time on you. I'm mad for thinking about you, and most of all for loving you when I shouldn't have.

Ulan nga naman...

Ang lakas nanamn ng ulan. Kung kelan nga naman hindi na ako nagdala ng payong para maiwasang mabasa.

Eto, cia namang lakas ng buhos na parang sinasabing, "Akala mo nakalusot ka na, no?"

Kung kelan nga naman ako nakalimot na, cia namang babalik ang bagay na ayaw ko ng balikan pa.

Kung kelan nasanay ka nang maaliwalas ang panahon, saka naman biglang darating ang panahon na magpapa alala sayo ng lahat.

"Musta ka na?" tanong nia.

"Eto, ok naman."

Magpapa alalang hindi ka pa pala nakalimot. Hindi ka pa pala tuluyang natuyo.

"Sana naging tayo, no?" sinabi nia.

Bigyan naman sana ako ng panahon para magpatuyo. Ayoko na ng ulan.

"Panu un, nagtalo na tayo nung huli? Sabi mo ayaw mo na." sagot ko..

"Wag na nating pag usapan un. Kalimutan na natin ung dati."

Maghihintay na lang cguro ako ng dadaan na may dalang payong.

Baka sakaling kahit malakas ang bagyo, mtulungan niya ako hanggang sa umaliwalas uli ang panahon.

(Langhya ka JM!!!)

A Taste of Rock Candy

We have never tried hanging out at Rock Candy before. Perhaps it wasn't our scene. But, due to pre-production meetings on a friday night, we ended up partying there and playing with Joy's and my camera.

Click on the image for the album.