Last Photos of the Year (i guess)

Lunch at Guava, Serendra

Just decided to have a lunch out on the last work day of the year...

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Red Eye
2 Megapixels
1/250
2.5f
200 ISO

Solar Entertainment Marketing & Sales Christmas Party 2007

Started out with using Billy's SLR, but since it lost Battery life I switched to my P&S Fuji. so here are the back up photos till i get a hold of the shots i made with Billy's...

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Cityscape

4 Megapixels
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Last Saturday of 2007

Made big decisions and gone on little adventures...

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Ivan Transit
4 Megapixels
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100 ISO

no matter how hard we try, we find our way back with each other.
I know it doesn't make sense. But here we are.

You are fine. You are nice. There might be sparks but, I don't want to be into you. I think I can only start seeing you If I know for sure that it is safe. No doubts. 'Coz you are not the only one in my mind.

Will you stick with me or will you just walk away? you don't have to worry. I am used to it. Let's figure this out one last time. Will you whisk me away and make me forget? Too bad, you have me with a fucked up mind.

I'm sorry but, I must be fair.

What is the difference between loving a person and being in love with a person?

Loving a person is giving what you have. Doing what you can for the other. You will never want to hurt the person. In Love? It's being stupid and losing yourself. A blur of passion and reason. You will do anything and even an extra mile for the person that you are in love with. Being in love is giving more what you can offer. A leap of faith. An acceptance of everything.

To love is a choice but to be in love, well you just find yourself in it.

You can never really define the difference between the two.

But, I know that I am still "in love" with someone. Something that is wrong and never should be anymore. I know I can't and I shouldn't but still I do. And it pains me everyday. I want it to end already to make it go away. But it's hard. I'm surprised I'm having a hard time about it.

I'm just a fucked up guy searching for his own peace of mind. I'm not perfect.

Two in one day

Two albums...

Snapshots #9 Greenbelt and the Compass

I accompanied my friend, Ivan, to watch the Golden Compass at Glorrietta. We decided to kill time at Powerbooks GB3 after...

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Ivan the Pure
4 Megapixels
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2.5f
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and then after that later that night...

Icebergs at Timog Area

Went to Icebergs in the Morato Area after having a hearty meal after a quest...

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Neckie necky
4 Megapixels
200 ISO
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Thanksgiving

It was peachie's thanksgiving when Trillanes Decided to badger the Republic, the people, the Manila Pen and of course the party. Not to be outdone by the sudden curfew, we rushed to Batasan Hills and stuffed ourselves with Turkey and alcohol, among others...

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Pepe la Peachie
4 Megapixels
2.5f
400 iso

zero to none

All I wanted was to just live in a peaceful and very neutral life. A life devoid of battles and drama. A perfect picture of a lazy old man sitting by the edge of a stream and waiting for fish to tug at the line.

But, growth jumps on you with a serious thump.

Instead, I get a barrage of serious blows to the face that leave me toothless, weak-kneed and bruised. A very despicable scene where you hear the crowd cheering on for my demise. I barely roll with the punches and get hit by the boot a thousand times.

And yet I still manage to stand up and dust myself off, bravely wearing my scars. Steadily walking towards the next tempest of madness with a glimmer in the eye and a broken smile.

yep

Even in the darkest hour,
the light of hope springs eternal...

Never give up.

Good Luck

Juno: so... I'm sorry... I've thought about it very hard. Really really hard and it's this...
Mac:...
Juno: We're not ready and we seem to just be using each other. Maybe it shouldn't be us. Maybe we have this to make us realize how f*%ked up we are. We couldn't just fool each other, fool ourselves and other people forever. I just want to make it clean.
Mac: I agree. We shouldn't just crap anytime, anywhere or with anyone. I know it's wrong and I've been denying it. I'm sorry, too... So, this is it I guess...
Juno: I think so. It's for the better... We don't want to end up getting trapped and hurt in the long run.
Mac: I like you, you know? I was willing to give it a chance.
Juno: But, It's not enough.
Mac: I know...

Mac: I wonder what will happen to us... will we ever get saved?
Juno: The only saving that we can get is from ourselves...
Mac: Good luck...

Boombox Tropezz

What do you do when you're stressed and bummed out from work? Then use the company's event to water it down with fun and alcohol with officemates.

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Infernal Tonic
4 Megapixels
400 ISO
1/250
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Boombox Eastwood

Got hammered really well that night. I enjoyed the sights and sounds, thanks to Margarita King's shot Me Babies... Then off we went to Jack's Loft (an ample name) to cap the night with food and drinks. Then, thinking that the night wasn't finished, we dashed to Katipunan to water the whole night's buzz with several Red Horses and Granmas at the Meatshop. No wonder we ended up sleeping over at Armi's place in Antipolo.

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Jett Pangan
4 Megapixels
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Lines and Rules

It's all about lines. The finish line at the end of a challenge. Waiting in line for a chance to be on the spotlight. And then there's the most important line, the line separating you from the people you work with. It doesn't help to get too familiar. To make friends. You need boundaries between you and the rest of the world. Other people are far too messy. It's all about lines. Drawing lines in the sand, and praying like hell nobody crosses them.

At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out, they fence you in. Life is messy, that's how we're made. So you can waste your life drawing lines or you can live your life crossing them. But, there are some lines that are way too dangerous to cross.But, here's what I know: If you're willing to throw caution to the wind and take a chance, the view from the other side might be spectacular.

-0-0-0-0

Intimacy is a four syllable word for: Here is my heart and soul, please grind into a hamburger and enjoy. It's both desired, and feared. Difficult to live with, and impossible to live without. Intimacy also comes attached to various things. There are some things you can't escape. And other things you just don't want to know.

I wish there were a rulebook for intimacy. Some kind of guide to tell you when you've crossed the line. It would be nice if you could see it coming, and I don't know how you fit it on a map. You take it where you can get it, and keep it as long as you can. As for rules, maybe there are none. Maybe the rules of intimacy are something we have to define for ourselves.

Encounter

Last night

As I was walking past your office building
you chased after me

you said hi. I said hello
You asked if I was okay, and I weakly said yes.
You smiled and I was okay.

I want to make a step after all.

Shackled. curled.

Never expected to feel this so soon. So foolish. I am cloaked with confusion and at the same time with fear. I am not supposed to feel this way with you. But, every signal in my body , every electrical impulse that speeds past my nerves convulse with elation.

Wounds are wounds even if they don't hurt anymore. And yet you still poke it with your fingertips. You don't know where I came from nor I with where you're from. But, we are heading towards the same direction.

I am staked where I am. I fear making a step. This shoudn't have happened anyway. Damn you, this is all your fault.

All Hallow's Eve

An unbelievable season of loss and gain. Never expected to survive. Surprisingly, my life is not that spooky like before. Perhaps, I have been through worse to consider menial things to be horrendous.

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The Make-up Artiste
2 Megapixels
2.5 f
ISO 100
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October 27, 2007

We all need answers

They say I have the gift in finding answers for other people regarding their lives.

But, I never find answers for my own.

I just need one. At least once.
to have someone find answers for me.
in this crazy little world.

Just once
someone might just happen to pass by
and share his umbrella
and hide me from this unrelenting rain.

Rising again

Surprisingly.
as days go by
I learn to smile at the sunset.

I have no fear of the darkness.
there's no need to.

I just need to remember
that I should not forget the sunrise.

I don't need to try any longer
I just have to let it be
and let myself find me on its own.

Really, I am...

I may seem silent and still.
But, the war and chaos still rages on inside me.
When will I get a truce?

I Just Can't Find Myself...

Contrary to the fact that I am wearing a yin-yang earring, I am in a disarray. A lot of things in my life have tipped the balance and now I am in a state of confusion. And I am hating it. Very. No matter how hard I try to just shove it back to its usual balance, I just can't seem to put it back. No matter how hard I deny it, the more it take its toll on me. I guess I just have to let it flow.

I can't believe and won't accept that these things happened because of certain things. I just can't.

One thing I hate about it the most is that somehow it changed me. Against my will and I am afraid that I will never be the same old guy I used to be and I was comfortable with the old me. I can't seem to enjoy the things I usually enjoy. Whenever I try doing those things I just end up disappointed and confused. I miss everything about me. I miss shooting for my photography and it is a big chunk of who I really was. But, I won't give up on that yet. Not just yet. I miss shooting. And I will really try hard to get back on it. It is my dream career after all.

Hoooboy, When will I get myself back? When will I find myeslf again? I hope I do, somewhere, somehow.

and i ramble again...

Jack TV invites you to Rock!

The Dating Persona

The Boy Next Door Random Gentle Love Dreamer (RGLD) http://panther.is0.okcupid.com/graphics/persons/RGLDm.gif" alt="The Boy Next Door" style="float: left;"> Kind, yearning, playful, you are The Boy Next Door. You're looking for real Love, a lot like girls do. It might not be manly, but it's sweet. We think the next three years will be very exciting and fruitful ones for you. Your spontaneous, creative side makes you a charming date, and we think you have a horny side just waiting to shine. Or glisten, rather. You enter new relationships unusually hopeful, and the first moments are especially glorious. If you've had some things not work out before, so what. On paper, most gay guys would name the Boy Next Door as their ideal mate. In the real world, however, you're often passed over for more dangerous or masculine men. You're the typical "nice guy:" without just a touch of cockiness, you're doomed with boys. A shoulder to cry on? Okay, sure. But never a penis to hold. More than any other type, Boys Next Door evolve as they get older. As we said, many find true love, but some fail miserably in the search. These tarnished few grow up to be The Men Next Door, who are creepy as hell, offering backrubs to kids and what not. Your exact male opposite: The 5-Night Stand http://panther.is0.okcupid.com/graphics/persons/DBSMm_thumb.gif" alt="The 5-Night Stand" style="border: 1px solid rgb(221, 221, 221); padding: 3px; background: rgb(255, 255, 255) none repeat scroll 0%; -moz-background-clip: -moz-initial; -moz-background-origin: -moz-initial; -moz-background-inline-policy: -moz-initial;"> Deliberate Brutal Sex Master Always avoid: The Billy Goat (DBSD) Consider: The Gentleman (DGLM), The Loverboy (RGLM)

Link: The Online Dating Persona Test @ OkCupid - free online dating.

some things you do when you're bored...

Your Personality Is

http://images.blogthings.com/threequestionpersonalitytest/nf.jpg" height="100" width="100"> Idealist (NF) You are a passionate, caring, and unique person. You are good at expressing yourself and sharing your ideals. You are the most compassionate of all types and connect with others easily. Your heart tends to rule you. You can't make decisions without considering feelings. You seek out other empathetic people to befriend. Truth and authenticity matters in your friendships. In love, you give everything you have to relationships. You fall in love easily. At work, you crave personal expression and meaning in your career. With others, you communicate well. You can spend all night talking with someone. As far as your looks go, you've likely taken the time to develop your own personal style. On weekends, you like to be with others. Charity work is also a favorite pastime of yours.

The>http://www.blogthings.com/threequestionpersonalitytest/">The Three Question Personality Test

You Are a Dreaming Soul

http://images.blogthings.com/whatkindofsoulareyouquiz/dreaming-soul.jpg" height="100" width="100"> Your vivid emotions and imagination takes you away from this world So much so that you tend to live in your head most of the time You have great dreams and ambitions that could be the envy of all... But for you, following through with your dreams is a bit difficult You are charming, endearing, and people tend to love you. Forgiving and tolerant, you see the world through rose colored glasses. Underneath it all, you have a ton of passion that you hide from others. Always hopeful, you tend to expect positive outcomes in your life. Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul, Prophet Soul, and Traveler Soul

What>http://www.blogthings.com/whatkindofsoulareyouquiz/">What Kind of Soul Are You?

and before i return to slumber...

Here I am. Woke up in the middle of the night. Woke up on the witching hour. Wondering (or worrying?) of what is in store for me within the days ahead. I can hear the loud chirping of cicadas outside. Echoing throughout the night. An echo that stirs wildly at my self that makes me anxious of my dreamless sleep. For unimaginative slumbers and anchored consciousness. Marooned indefinitely.

I am empty. Fill me up to the brim and I shall be in gratitude.

When shall I smile? A smile that tugs me from the inside. And since my mind is numbed from the sudden rise from slumber, I shall succumb to it again. Funny how your mind refuses to give you words when in half-dimwittedness. I need help. My soul is drowning in darkness. I need vision. Goodnight.

Honestly...

I'm mad at myself, not you. I'm mad for always being nice. I'm mad for always apologizing for things i didn't do. I'm mad for getting attached. I'm mad for depending on you and wasting my time on you. I'm mad for thinking about you, and most of all for loving you when I shouldn't have.

Ulan nga naman...

Ang lakas nanamn ng ulan. Kung kelan nga naman hindi na ako nagdala ng payong para maiwasang mabasa.

Eto, cia namang lakas ng buhos na parang sinasabing, "Akala mo nakalusot ka na, no?"

Kung kelan nga naman ako nakalimot na, cia namang babalik ang bagay na ayaw ko ng balikan pa.

Kung kelan nasanay ka nang maaliwalas ang panahon, saka naman biglang darating ang panahon na magpapa alala sayo ng lahat.

"Musta ka na?" tanong nia.

"Eto, ok naman."

Magpapa alalang hindi ka pa pala nakalimot. Hindi ka pa pala tuluyang natuyo.

"Sana naging tayo, no?" sinabi nia.

Bigyan naman sana ako ng panahon para magpatuyo. Ayoko na ng ulan.

"Panu un, nagtalo na tayo nung huli? Sabi mo ayaw mo na." sagot ko..

"Wag na nating pag usapan un. Kalimutan na natin ung dati."

Maghihintay na lang cguro ako ng dadaan na may dalang payong.

Baka sakaling kahit malakas ang bagyo, mtulungan niya ako hanggang sa umaliwalas uli ang panahon.

(Langhya ka JM!!!)

A Taste of Rock Candy

We have never tried hanging out at Rock Candy before. Perhaps it wasn't our scene. But, due to pre-production meetings on a friday night, we ended up partying there and playing with Joy's and my camera.

Click on the image for the album.

Salamat, Seat No. 57A. ==> from JM!

Ngayon na ang alis ko. Sa tagal ng panahon na ginugol ko para sa desisyon kong 'to, ngayon na ang araw. Masakit pero hanggang dito na lng ang kaya ko.

Tinawag na ang mga pasaherong sasakay patungo sa ibang bansa.

Dala ang gamit ko, sabi nga ni John Lapuz, "Diz iz it!"

Pasakay na ako sa eroplano. Eroplanong magdadala sa akin sa ibang mundo. Malayo sa kinagisnan ko. Malayo sa mga naranasan ko.

Mabuti na cguro ung ganito. Malayo. Nakakalungkot na nakakakaba dahil magsisimula uli ako. Panibagong pakikipagsapalaran. Panibagong buhay.

Pagtingin ko sa aking ticket, Seat 57B. Sayang, isa na lng, ako na ung nasa may bintana. Paboritong lugar ko pa naman un. Ok lang, ganun tlga.

Pagkalagay ko ng aking gamit sa itaas, umupo na ako at kinuha ko na agad ang headset ng eroplano para makinig ng music. Wala sa mood para makipagsosyalan sa kung cnu man ang aking makakatabi. Sana pipi para d ko na cia kelangan intindihin.

"Excuse me." sabi ng isang pasahero habang tinapik niya ang aking balikat.

Malamang ito na ung makakatabi ko. Mukha namang tahimik at magalang. Ok na rin cguro to.

"Sorry." sagot ko. At padahan akong umurong para makadaan cia.

Pagkaupo niya, ginawa nia din ang ginawa ko. Mabuti para d na din ako maistorbo. Ng biglang,

"First time mo?" tanong niya bago ko pa man ibalik ang headset sa tenga ko.

"Hindi. Pang anim na." sagot ko. Nakalimutan ko na din ung una kong naramdaman pagkasakay ko doon.

"Ah. First time ko. Bakit ka aalis?"

"Tapos na ang buhay ko rito. Wala na akong babalikan. Ikaw?"

"Baligtad naman tayo.Babalikan ko ang nakaraan ko."

Baligtad nga kami. Nakakatuwang isipin, iba't-ibang pasahero, iba't-ibang mga dahilan kung bakit aalis.

Lumipad na ang eroplano. Kasabay ng huli kong pagtingin sa nakaraan ko.

Hindi na ako babalik.

"Magpapakasal na kami." sagot nia ulit nung napansin niang natulala ako.

Napangiti na lng ako sa sinagot nia.Naisip ko, ako kaya, maranasan ko ung ngiti ng mga mata niya? Maranasan ko kaya ung tuwa ng pagkakwento niya?

Malamang, hindi. Nasa magkaiba kami ng estado sa buhay.

Naalala ko kung bakit ako lilipad. Tama nga cguro ang desisyon ko.

Dalawang buwan na ang nakaraaan. Maulan. Kausap ko cia sa may waiting shed.

"Hanggang dito na lang tayo." malungkot niang sinabi sa akin.

"Hindi ba ako karapat dapat na ipagtanggol?"

Hindi na cia sumagot. Hindi na niya kailangan sumagot dahil doon pa lang, alam ko na.
Dahan-dahan akong bumalik ng bahay habang tahimik na umiiyak.
Tapos na. Hindi ko man lang alam kung paano kami umabot sa ganun.

Nakatulog pala ako. Pagkagising ko, hinahanda na ang kakainin namin.

"Ang sarap ng tulog mo. Nakakainggit ka." sabi ng katabi ko.

"Pagod lang siguro." habang nakangiti kong sinagot ang sinabi nia.

Hindi naman ako dapat kainggitan.

Limang oras na pala ang nakalipas. Malapit na kaming makarating. Naghanda na din ako sa panibagong haharapin.

Hindi na ako babalik. PInakawalan ko na ang bahaging iyon ng buhay ko.

Pagkadating namin sa airport, nag ayos na ako ng gamit para lumabas. Nung lahat ay nakalabas na at palabas na ng room para salubungin ang mga tao, napansin ko si Seat No. 57A.

Nakangiti. Tinungo ko ang dahilan ng kanyang ngiti. Mukhang iyon ang kanyang mapapangasawa.

Salamat, Seat No. 57A. Dahil sayo, may pag asa pa cguro ako.

"Hindi ba ako karapat dapat na ipagtanggol?" naalala ko ang nasabi ko nung gabing yun.

Tumalikod ako. Tinungo ang labasan. Baka dito ko makita ang hinahanap ko.

Hindi na ako babalik.

From Dinner to Embassy

We started out to have Dinner at som's... then we ended up drinking amidst the great thump of the rain... and found ourselves Dragged into the middle of the Embassy dancefloor...

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Dampa and MOA

The Jack TV team went again on a "meeting" that turned out to be just a bonding session... then I realized that most of my shots were all just about food... since we all just pigged out...

PEEP Show Season 2 OBB Shoot

The start of our Showbiz careeer. harhar... the production team of the Peep Show needed extras (Dylan's fans) for the opening billboards and segment bumpers for the show. We, the obliging people, went straight to Rock Candy at Glorrietta immediately to render our services. Catch the PEEP Show on Jack TV, every Mondays at 8:30pm. hehehehe


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Snapshots # 7

-=a delayed post=-

Random Photos from different times. Places, People, things...

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A Premiere Revelation

-=a delayed post=-

July 27, 2007, Philtrade Center Hall B. 9PM

Gyrating Pole Dancers
Vintage Cars
Asia Agcaoili
Booze
Dylan Vizcarra
PEEP show
FHM

Nice!

Click on the image for the album...

Snapshots # 5

-=a delayed post=-

experimenting with my camera...

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Heaven's BBQ Pictorial

-=a delayed post=-

lunch at Heaven's BBQ will never be the same again... hahahahaha....

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Sidebar Happenings

-=a delayed post=-

officemates... drinking at sidebar cafe... there...

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Century Park Madness

-=a delayed post=-

a sidetracked post...

Armi, Kervy, Junosan.

What do you get when you have a complimentary stay at a business hotel at the heart of Manila? here you go...

The day revolves around going to Cainta to get someone's things, then eat half a dozen of siopao from Hapchan, Buy some liquor from 711 then the rest is inevitable...

*Camwhoring and what nots

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Snapshots # 6

-=a delayed post=-

Random photos that I saw that never was uploaded...

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SOS

Sometimes I wonder what the heck I am doing right now and for the succeeding days that follows. Sometimes I do get lost and loose myself every once in a while. And afterwards it is all still the same. No change. No purging. No vivid realizations. All that is left of me are pieces of broken shards pieced together sloppily with crazy glue. Highly volatile and most likely to cave in.

Please whisk me away... Anywhere. Somewhere.

I am standing on the edge. Leaning.

Pililla, Rizal. 2007 Birthday

The light of the morning sun
filters into the little room.

The memories of children playing
traipses about, climbing up the ceiling
and running around the room.

I see you, gazing outside.

Where have you gone?
What have you learned?

Click on the Picture for more images...

My Visual DNA

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Bah!

I woke up with two distinct headaches in my head. Just right above my temple. Hiding underneath a blanket of my thick and unruly hair.

I was quite a moody person actually that day. I can feel the jolly jolly mood prancing around me, scattering petals of spring flowers stowed in a ribbon-clad basket, freshly picked from the highest mountain peaks. As I burn every petal with this devious mood. I feel like I am growing horns.

Luck has decided to hide around corners of halls and underneath staircases. As battalions of annoyances marched forth towards me. I got a stick of cigarette and lit up. Inhaling and exhaling the sweet smoke filled with nicotine. Intoxicating? yes. Satisfying? yes.

My eyes followed the stream of smoke coming from my cigarette as it led my eyes to the unfailing brilliance of the moon. The sky is clear. The moon almost full.

"That's why!", I thought. Answers flooded my mind.

Another one lost...

Kurt Vonnegut just died at the age of 84... Dammit!!

Better rush to the nearest bookstore and buy all his titles...

-=-=-=-=-

And yes, I am still in the office due to added responsibilities and work load.

So my YM status message in the next few days will be: DND or Die

So much for the weekend vacation... hehehehe....

Snapshots # 4

Shapes, Texture, Color, People.

The things that caught my eye during the holy week 2007. It may be far-off from the season, but I still like these shots. I never went out the house for the longest time, that's why. And the only time I went out, these are the only shots that I took. No need to be spiritual with my photos. I did enough of that at home. Thanks to my 1MP PDA camera.

Geez! I need a new camera.... Click on the picture for more photos...

Reflection

Alone together in the darkness, I learned the meaning of your tears.

You saw zooming comets and swirling galaxies in your journey to find peace.

Tears pour down from a clear blue sky. Someday they'll change into a smile.

Sleep. For tomorrow you slay your demons.

Snapshots # 3

Antipolo. Amici. Starbuck's. Yellow Cab. Flights of fancy, exploits in a whim.

Because everyone else is boring. And because you are different.

Where do we go now? In our world of pure elation.

Click on the photo for more...

Bolinao madness

It's a difficult thing to fight away paranoia.

I had paranoia with my settings therefore, I overdid my shots. I am not proud of my shots because I know that I could have done better. Although, I will still share these pictures because it was one hell of a trip. I did enjoy my trip there and these people are cool models.

Click on the picture for the album.

Bolinao Batch 1

My first trip to Bolinao, Pangasinan with some of my new found friends. We frolicked in the sun and sand like there is no tomorrow. There was skimming and frisbee, all you need for a good time. and of course, food. Hehehehe! Here are pictures taken with my PDA phone. SLR pics to follow until i have it processed already. Damn 35mm! but, still cool. har har!

Click on the picture for the Album!

Snapshots #2

This is just another round of random photoness produced with a mobile phone camera and PDA camera. So, these are just inanimates, resident camwhores, senseless subjects and the like. You may or may not enjoy these photos, but I am still posting these anyway. Nyahahaha!

Click on the Picture for the Link to the Album!

Wolfgang/ Razorback Alive 2007

We got free tickets because of work but, we had to go and traverse on the ledge of Music Museum to install streamers. This Event taught me a lot about exposure in low light situations. Because, as usual, I did manual settings and just approximate lighting conditions due to that I don't have a light meter and i'm using film. I should have trusted my hunches instead of getting paranoid and setting the shutter speed slower. And bringing a tripod is always handy. Well, that's what it's all about... experimenting and practice. so next time i will get rockin' photos! Well, we enjoyed the concert anyway! it was so sublime! You could feel the electrfying energy bouncing around the place. That's Wolfgang and Razorback for you! Basti, Kevin.. Salute!

Click on the Picture for the Album!

Snapshots

Cats, dogs, veggies, objects and what nots... Just some snapshots that i took. no theme. just random. mostly christmas 2006 and used a camera phone and camera from my pda.

Click on the Picture to view Album

Starbuck's escape

Peachie, my associate, and I were sick and tired of work stuff and the demands of our bossing. So, we decided to go and make an escape to the nearest Starbuck's for our own dose of caffeine fix. And since I had a PaS camera on hand I decided to turn her into a camwhore. Click on the picture for more of the rebellion.

Wow works

Just sharing my characters in World of Warcraft. It took a lot of hard work to raise their levels and collect good equipment for them.

SheeRa: Human Paladin
Skeletara: Undead Shadow Priest
Zidane: Human Warrior
Morgana: Gnome Warlock

Blagag!

Here I am to where I think I am happy. Here I am to the direction I wanted to go. But, still I am left with a broken spirit shattered to a thousand shards scattered in all directions.

Just when you think you recover from one near fatal blow to another, you are confronted with the aftershocks and a fresh batch of setbacks and barriers as if it wasn't enough. You are brainwashed to the truth that the sunrise exists for a blazing, darkening sunset. And you just have hope to keep you going. Never knowing to what lengths it would take you.

And still you fall face flat on the floor. And still you forge on. and on. and on. Thinking that beating yourself with a nice and sturdy baseball bat clenched in your fists feels better. Or maybe not.

November 18, 2006. The Wedding

As I said, I wasn't able to take pictures of the church wedding and the reception because I was busy. No help from my trusty camera who at the last minute broke down. So I had to use a less trusty camera, where I have to do manual light metering with only my hunches. Shiyet! Here are the times when I was able to grab my camera and shoot away.

Click on the Picture for the link!

Lo and Behold!

The Impossible List

It's christmas once again and sooner or later you will see the streets of metro manila at it's busiest and the brightest. Since it is the season of giving, I am now organizing my christmas list for 2006 and afterwards join the bustle of the malling crowd.

First thing comes to mind: budget. I checked my account and money around my secret places and discovered I am low on funds!! oh my golay! Shiyeeeet! Therefore, I decided to do some scavenge and bargain hunting. I guess, it's not so bad, at least I get to have one last adventure this year!

-=-=-

Speaking of christmas lists, every person has his/her own wishlist for this season(or every year for that matter). Therefore I decided to list my own lusts/desires for this year, just for the sole purpose of slyly hinting people on what I want to recieve without getting embarassed...hekhekhek...

1. Nikon DSLR (preferably the d200 onwards.. but the new d40 is ok) - please help this poor soul hit it big with his career....
   
2. Sennheiser headphone - Someone please give me one, dammit!!! even the cheapest one...
3. Creative Neeon 2 - Something to keep the Sennheiser company...
   
4. LG Chocolate - A droolworthy phone I'm telling ya...
5. Sony Vaio - To complement the Nikon, teehee...
6. The Sandman Series, graphic novel (the complete set) - I have been eyeing these babies since last year but, I just can't get over the price... soon bebe... soon i'll get you...
7. XDA Atom - For the heck of it. I still need a PDA in my life. I'm lost without it.
8. Lens (for our PS2) - Our PS2 has been busted for months and it needs a new lens. Geezzz... FFXII is waiting for me rarrr....
9. Grey's Anatomy DVD (bootleg versoins are ok) - I have been lagging with my TV!! help!
10. Haruki Murakami novels - I love him. period.
    
11. Anything - it's the thought that counts (gasp!)

So yeah, it may be wishful thinking, but I didn't say the list was otherwise. Although, wouldn't it be delightful to recieve stuff from the impossible list!? I could die right there and then and then rise again to enjoy it. (what?! me!? fool?!)

No time for me, sister's wedding

November 18, 2006 was a momentous occasion for our family.

To my dismay, I wasn't able to take pictures of my sister's wedding because I was busy with a lot of stuff, besides the wedding coordinators harassing the Maid of Honor and I. So, I only got pictures of stuff mostly non-wedding related. But, I am using film so no chance for you top see the results now.

In that light, I would just like to share the blogs of their videographer and photographers. When it comes to what they do, they do it the best. I would just like to extend my thanks to them and all of their other suppliers for making their wedding extra special. It's SUPER guys!

Here are the links:

fotogra: Mimi and Karl--> Click me!

Videography: Threelogy.com--> Click me!

Umaga Lang ang Pahinga

Just sharing a picture that I took during an office outing in Tagaytay.(because... wala lang!).


History:

The guy by the staircase has a notorious history of harassing the person by the benches and tables to death. Therefore, a very dubious shot of them.

The guy by the benches is somewhat my boss so... LAgot ako! hehehe. Although, he left and transferred to another better opportunity so I am a bit safe right unless I get hunted and impaled into the sidewalk with a wooden stake right up my ass.

hal-o-win

So now I have an internet connection on my workstation at work. So then what? It dosn't lessen the workload, it doesn't augment my scedule and definitely not going to raise my salary. So there.

just a bad case of a work rant syndrome.

-=-=-

So now it's halloween. People are expecting that a lot of ghouls and ghosts would show themselves and spook everybody in this religion-crazed, superstition induced society. But, as a matter of fact, these creatures of the night are everywhere anytime of the day. People love to be scared then shun it away then crave for it another day. It's a vicious cycle.

-=-=-

I'm going to be having fun with Doods, my camera, tonight and tomorrow. Just play with available light. I dunno, I just feel like taking pictures at this time of the year. And it's not about taking a chance that somehow a spectre or whatever shows up inside the picture where it shouldn't be. I just feel like it. I think this season is really SOULful, hekhekhek. I know that's lame, so someone kill me now.

-=-=-

I'm just forcing myself to write a post actually. I just wanted to have an entry dated with Oct. 31st.

-=-=-

I am just passing time here in the office since we are all too lazy to work. The HR just announced that we can leave early today. Yay! Everybody is listening intently to the tick tock of the clock. Glancing at it while its hands slowly move.

Is it Salary day today? I hope so. An officemate is leaving and it's his last day here today. So everybody here is on the prowl, ready to pounce on him and compel him to treat us all to some coffee or any other munchables.

*bow!*

work, nan, etc.

So I haven't been updating since last week. Not that I am requiring myself to update every single day. I feel that I had a lot to blog about and yet my opportunity to do so always slips away from my fidgeting fingers. I blame it on my new job.

I started working in a place where people are such angels but the work itself is a bitch. Add to that the lack of internet connection on my workstation, we now have a one-way ticket to nooninu land. And now I am not in good terms with sleep, so rings of unflattering effects are now imbued around my eyes. I have bouts with drowsiness in the office which leaves drool dripping from my lips. I now discover the wonders of coffee drinking. I look like I'm on smack.

Good thing I get to watch free movies once in a while.

-=-=-

For months now, I have been craving for the pungent taste of Indian Cuisine. I have been daydreaming its flavors swirling around my tongue as it leaves its mark to linger even after digestion. I have been yearning for its aroma full of various spices. I miss the intoxicating effects it creates. I fear that I am now a slave of this renowned food.

Breadtalk sells nans. But, it isn't just the same as the authentic one. And its not just the curry.

-=-=-

I got to get my ass moving a little bit with my photography lest I meet its demise. My friends have been going around well with theirs. My classmates in the workshop still have this maintained energy level. They have lots of plans of out of town trips. And here I am blogging. 'nuff said.

-=-=-

I am so uninspired, but still I am happy.

Other people are waiting for their rockets to come, I'm just waiting for the swift hammer blow of a Eureka! moment to sneak up on me and drag me away.

FELIXBERTO + JANELLI = BERTINELLI *YAY!*

After 8 loooong years of tireless waiting, Jan and Bong are now getting hitched! *insert applause here*

The stars of the now defunct reality based show, "Lifestyles of the Plain and Boring", have been going to Sm Southmall for their dates for 8 long ("long" being an understatement) years. Aside from the mall being the nearest place to Jan's house, it is primarily for "the peace of mind" of her mother. For the most part of the couple's relationship, the soon -to-be-wifey just couldn't understand the dating ideologies of her doting mother:

1. Why go to Makati if there is an SM southmall a stone's throw away from home? therefore... leaving the south is not a good idea...
2. No Watching Movies. If you insist... then tell me why do you have to watch a movie... *raised eyebrows and folded arms*

After the initial confusion and indignation, they resigned to the fact that they could only do two things together lest they taste the wrath of the MOTHER; go to SM and stare at each other at home. As soon as the mall closes at 9pm, they promptly go home and stay in the living room without a single thing to entertain themselves. Another challenge is their differing interests, as they end up talking about the silliest of things. The man being into politics and the woman being into Showbiz gossip. Get the picture? They catch up on each other's experiences since they only see each other at around 6-8x a month. Quite a challenge it is to keep things together for individuals who are into adventure.

Though there is one thing that binds them. Both are dreamers. They usually talk about their dreams without a care if it ever comes true or not. For these dreams served as their fuel for their Love to keep things warm.

In all those years they never got tired of each other.

What they do might be a routine but each other's company is what all that matters. A companionship that would withstand the test of time.

Thus, the couple see themselves growing old together.

Therefore, Let us all raise our glasses as we give a toast to their enduring love for each other, as they enter another phase in their relationship, as their lives cross paths and merge into one.

*as i have written in their site

41 days to go! Goodluck!

Blah blahs and blahs

A few days ago, I went to SM Megamall to have my cameras fixed. And I have to say that thisphotography business is no joke when it comes to money. (Ginto!) i had the service quoted and the technician came up with the price of Ten grand. So yeah, shit.

-=-=-

Like everyone else, when I was a kid, I dreamed of being an astronaut. But since I have a hate relationship with math, I decided to just look for another dream and let go of it. So imagine how I felt when my aunts brought me to the NASA Space center when I visited them in houston. It was so cool, I went back into being a child. I was running around wide-eyed, fascinated with everything. Although what's left of that memory is that one keychain with a souvenir photo in it. Everything else, My creative shots of scrap space shuttles among others, were under-exposed or not bottled up. Aargh.

-=-=-

The worst thing that could happen that I very fear is that of my spirit breaking. When something or someone breaks your resolve into something and as well as taking away your passion for something you really love and enjoy. I live for passion in things I love to do. If you take away those things--hope, joy, hapiness--madness takes over. Or worse, a life without vigor and love for living. An empty shell parading as a mindless drone.

-=-=-

Today is Friday. I would be picking up the cameras now. I have an assignment with a deadline on Sunday 12nn. So, I only have almost more than a day to finish two submissions of portrait with natural light and still-life. Good luck to me.

Milenyal banter

I promised myself that I wouldn't post anything about the recent storm that ravaged the city. Everybody would have anyway so thus, the promise. But then my fingers has this itch for online activity. So here I am posting about this almost armageddon named Milenyo or Xangsane as known internationally. Don't worry, these are mostly pointless banter.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Most phenomenona of natural disaster in nature brings out a lot in people or in society. It could bring out the best or even the most vile. Whatever it may be, whether we like it or not, we can never deny its power to affect people in any gargantuan or miniscule way. This storm that made its transit right smack through our capital, a place with boorish pride, undeniably knocked down the city to its knees.

It may have spawned fear. Agony and sadness. Itmay also have also spawned jubilant faces of another day off from school and work. Mostly, it was a time to go back to basics and value simple things that was taken for granted untill the storm hit. People, without anything better to do, came out the streets and started chatting with neighbors and creating a lot of ruckus. Funny, coz it hasn't happened for years now. Family and friends was able get some time of from the daily routine and finally do what they wanted to do when they were busy. Files and clutters were arranged and organized. Relationships were restored and reignited. Books were read, sleep were slept and dreams were dreamed.

A break from the routine and boring. An opening for desries to be fulfilled. To reconnect. To rest. To rearrange and reasses. To step down from a cloud or a tree. No matter what it is. It was a storm that everybody greatly needed (exception to those who lost their lives and homes).

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Yes the storm was a bitch. I woke up that day with the wind slapping the window. Silence inside the room. Chaos outside. The fan wasn't working so I figured the power is out. I never realized that it would be out for more than a day. I checked my phone for anything and LOW BATT was flashing on the lcd screen. SHIT! I checked my palm and the battery is halfway spent already. I felt stupid not charging up the night before knowing that the battery of my phone would be dead anytime the next day. And it died early in the afternoon.

Lunch was like an avante-garde movie. Imagine me eating lunch. Imagine me seated with bay windows behind me. Then imagine the wind wreaking havoc just outside that window. Then Imagine the stillness while I was eating inside. It felt quite absurd.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Since the power was out during the evening, all I had as entertainment were candles and mosquitos. I tried reading books against the candlelight, but I only got a headache. I just tried enjoying the stillness. Brought outside a candle on the front porch. And just breathing in the darkness and quietness of the surroundings. I thought I saw something moving up in the trees with bright eyes but tried ignoring it for a while. I don't need anything like that at that time.

I wish I had power and was able to catch pictures of candlelight. Shit!

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Since the power was out and as well as running water supply, you can imagine how a person can get very sticky and icky. I just coulnd't help but to go outside when it started to rain hard last night. I bathed in the rain and squeezed it out for all its worth. Brings back memories actually. When I was younger, I loved bathing in the rain. One of my favorite things. That may be the reason for my soft spot for rain. threw everything away, inhibitions and self control and just enjoyed the droplets make my body damp and wash away the filth. I felt the stars peeking out of the clouds and the gnomes and other creatures of the dark. I just went on and did a wonderful performance that you see once in a lifetime. Nothing obscene.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

When the power went back on it is as if a farytale has ended. That for a day and a half, the world stopped turning and stopped time and space. As if a rip in space has been created and weird things happened. It is something that a busy buzzing city never expected but secretly asked for in their bedtime prayers. Secret desires were met while this rip was in place. An early halloween treat for ghost and ghouls and the seemingly ghostly existence. And since the world starts to turn again, the fabric in time is mended, leaving in its wake the aftermath of people catching up from things lost and things regained. Until the next time-space warp.

Fine is good

Damn! Something so simple for me became a lot more complicated. In the second session of our workshop, we were fortunate enough to have the honor of a Srilankan international photographer who is somewhat based here in Manila, Tilak Hettige, to do a morning lecture and do some coaching for us since he is around this week. This is an honor apparently since he isn't around the philippines that frequently nowadays. So yay, right? Besides his difficult to understand accent he was very inspiring. So I guess it's a yay.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Most of the lecture involved a lot of AVP's about his works that showcases his styles and techniques with a lot of tips. And I must say, his photographs are total drool-worthy materials. And I couldn't even believe that he primarily uses film cameras. Which leaves image retouching through photoshop or other softwares out of the question. The challenge is that we just have to have this critical eye that sees beauty in everything, no matter how ugly everyone thinks a thing is. So, that makes things difficult since we are used taking photos of things that we see as beautiful. It is a difficult thing to make something ugly into a beautiful masterpiece. (mental voice: Eh paano kung pangit lang talaga siya!?!?!?)

Later in the morning we were thrown into the almost midday heat to take photos. We were no more than 10 seconds outside the lecture room and we were sweating like pigs. We were divided into big groups and were assigned a single subject per group. Our subject was this Aloe Vera plant with bushes clustered around it. Geezuz! It's a big clump of green all over. What's interesting about that??? Then Mr. Hettige explained that we have to find what is interesting about it. Perhaps, the thorns that protrudes on the sides of the leaves? Yeah, but the light is not flattering anything about it, so what now? Then he explained that the light then flatters the slight tint of yellow on the sides. Then he asked if we could see it. We were all staring blankly with "uhhhm.. okay..." coming out of our mouths. He then left us alone to do the assignment and instruced us that we could wander around to get photos of other subjects after getting enough photos of the plant.

The situation of our groupings is quite frustrating. We were at least 10 in the group and were supposed to just use one camera from somebody. The problem is, most of my groupmates have digitals and started shooting with their own anyway. Leaving us film users just standing there doing nothing since we weren't given any film to use. Everybody just clustered around the plant and started shooting, while the other non-digital people were directing and instructing people who are shooting what he/she can do. Ideas and watchamacallit's started to saturate around them and condensed into a cloud, blanketing everyone. (susmaryuseyp! ang daming Bibo!) I decided to just stay in the background and chat up other classmates who are in the same bind as I am. I just followed around, lagging behind.

Until I saw this scene and quickly grabbed my phone and took a quick snapshot:


The one by the arc is Mel my seatmate while the man whose back is turned to us is Lesh, the guy from Malaysia. Because of the midday lighthing some parts of the picture are washed out. But, since I only used a camera from a phone, I couldn't complain.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

The day wasn't that really frustrating. Remember my dread about last weeks practice shoot? Well, some photos turned out fine. With a sigh of relief, I thanked the high heavens things weren't worse for me, unlike my other classmates. In the afternoon, we had a lecture about composition. We had our best photos from last week posted on the whiteboard for everyone to critique. My photo was not the bestseller (the others' were enthralling, which makes me question the authenticity of these photos. Something is not right about these picture but i got no proof) but when the lecturer did an individual critique of the photos my shot was one of the images that stood out for the lecturer. It was praised for a good technique and exposure and it said that it has very good composition. Which made her ask if it was my first time to attend a class about photography. When I replied with a yes, she gave me a doubtful look and expressed that she doesn't think so. Uuuuuyyy..... propeyshonal daw! harhar!

So we had another round of practice shooting late in the afternoon and found some interesting places to shoot in. I still might feel some dread about the outcome of my photos yet, I'm still confident that everything will be fine. Not sure if it would be great, but at least it's fine. Fine is good.

rambling on

Due to lack of a travelling companion and for the lack of knowledge of getting to the area and the area itself, I accompanied my sister to Cubao. I am her everlasting slave.

and the ramblings...

I got to ride the MRT again after so many months and it still hasn't lost its charm with me. It is still one of my favorite public transportation. Then we went in Gateway Mall. And Lo and Behold! we are suddenly bombarded with people, with ages ranging from 12 - 21, wearing red. We got annoyed actually, we did not know what was going on. It is as if there was a presidential decree that all shall wear red on that day and everyone conspired against us. What adds to the irateness is that a flow of people in red seems never ending. You see them up and down the escalator. you seem the strolling in droves. (Parang may nag-sabi na last day na ang mag-red nung araw na yun at bawal na siya next day!)

Anyway, Yesterday was my first time checking out the new LRT2. And boy, was it a surprise for me. It was amazing! It is as if you could forget that you were in the grime infested city of Metro Manila and for a second you might mistake it for a train station in Singapore. I might be exaggerating but that was what I felt. Inside the train you could actually feel the difference of temperature. You know that the airconditioning works regardless of how many people are on board or no matter how sunny it is that day. The station itself was cool. I was compelled to take pictures but, thought otherwise. And you buy tickets from a vending machine! The only problem with that would be the machine being bugged and eat your money. Another convenience in public transportation achieved. Though I wonder, does the route the LRT2 service need it? I don't think the area badly needs it. They should contemplate on having something like that to extend up to the south then it would be perfect. And I wonder how long could they make it stay clean and orderly like the way it is now?

My sister expressed her desire to shop for shoes in Marikina Shoe Expo or Cubao X. But, realizing that we are pressed for time that day, we had to tuck it back in our to do list and save it for another day of exploits.

Fragmented thoughts about last sunday

Yesterday was the first day of my photography workshop. I had to wake up very early in the morning (ungodly hours in my world) since session starts at 9am. And since I am usually a night owl, I was not able to get any sleep. When I was about to doze off into Lala Land the alarm went off. Great. Knowing that it is the first day and a very important part of my life, I just went on without sleep. Imagine me going through the whole day workshop without any sleep, groggy. Imagine a day long lecture. Imagine me in it. Yep, I almost fell off the chair. Luckily the class was very interesting to keep me barely awake.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

On my way to the workshop the bus passed by the new School of Design and Arts Building of Benilde due to a surprise detour c/o the Bar Examinees. The segment of Taft avenue in front of La Salle is closed to give way for the law students to lose their wits in. And so I saw this still underconstructed campus. Geez! The building was extremely massive! I couldn't wait to see it finished. It is said that the building would be the most advanced arts building in Asia. (will house a number of theaters, galleries, studios, workrooms and of course, classrooms) Well, yeah I guess there are some exagerrations in the claim, but still it is not impossible, seeing the size of the infrastructure. Even if you combine the main CSB building and Angelo King Center it wouldn't still be enough. And yes, there will be parking! Seeing the still to be finished building made me want to enroll and study there again to just experience the building. Waaaah!!! life is so unfair.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

I had to walk through half of intramuros just to get to the workshop venue. I didn't know that the place is a residential area as well. I felt like walking through the streets of tondo. Everybody was alive and noisy like buzzing bees so early in the morning.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

In the workshop, we are a very homogenous group. Each person comes from a very different background and industry. Our ages span from high school to gramps. There is an Indian and 2 Malaysians participating. People from provinces and kikays. oh, There are a handful cuties too. harhar.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

It was very very hot, sunny humid when the workshop started. Then when we were sent out to do some practice shooting the sun bid thee us well and hid behind thick, damp clouds. With occasional lightnings slicing through these symbols of gloom and cleansing. We had to do our assignment shots in a hurry just to beat the rain. We had to compel the mamang kutsero to ride through the corner to take a shot of him moving. We were compelled to pay him Php10 per shot as well. Then we saw a co-classmate shooting another Mr. kutsero for free. Aargh!

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Dread: it is something you feel when you sense that something nefarious is going to happen. Dread is what we, film users, feel about our roll of film and the thought of seeing how it will turn out next session. The workshop does the processing for us so we have to wait till the next session (after a week) to see the results. Damn digital users and their perks!

Fruits of My Online Addiction

Presenting the fruits of my online addiction.

If you have been reading my entries, I have mentioned that I have been immersing myself in online gaming. Well, here it is, one of my characters in World of Warcraft.

This is SheeRa, a Paladin.

She hates undead minions and makes sure she smites them with her might and holy judgment whenever she sees one crossing her path. She makes a good tank. It takes more than just an army to take her down. hehe, well, just a little bit.


Good thing we gound out about one of those free servers. But, I am still much enjoying the real world, mind you. this just makes a perfect pastime.

they always say that stupidity doesn't have a place in this world. But, so far it's a big hit.

The Shadow Roars!

I just like this picture that I took with one of our cats here at home. Just wanted to share it. Her name is Shadow. I christened her with that name because she is all dark-colored similar to a Hyena's. Then when she arrived in our yard, she would be wary of people around her, hiding in every crevice, nook and cranny just to evade any moving bodies. Sort of like a Ninja. An unknown warrior with unknown purpose and name. Nobody knows how old she is or where she came from. Just lurking around Shadows. harhar. She now resides in our yard and has already warmed up and learned to trust us. She loves cuddling with people.

Life in stereo

I miss listening to stereos. Those bulky boxes that adorn livingrooms and bedrooms. The ones that you see in movies and television shows where they crank up the volume and party the night away while having profound epiphanies which end in disasters. I have one in my room. A stereo/amplifier kind of sorts. But it is all busted up now. No thanks to the house help's clandestine usage of it. Funny enough, we don't even bother having it fixed. Not a care in the world. We just watch it gather dust like a child seeing snow for the first time.

I blame humanity's new found reliance to the wonders of technology. Today, we could always count on our computers and MP3 players (the gorgeous but ghastly IPod) to satisfy any musical cravings that we may have churning our insides. It's like feeding your beloved rabid dog with class A caviar. Even if it is more expensive. We could always buy stereos now anywhere. On the streets of the metro and stalls in Tiangges and flea markets. We could even buy it in groceries in a very cheap price. The same price as buying a bunch of CD's in one go. But we don't buy them. Instead, we rally to the nearest fancy electronics store and complain about the overpriced device but hook up with it anyway, learning the power of credit along with it.

Stereos still has, and will always have this old charm. Listening to it during an afternoon spell or even while it lulls you to sleep at night. Letting the music escape through the circular speakers and fill the room a certain kind of vibe. Letting the music dance around the room as if to celebrate its liberation from an oppressive box. As you get entranced with the dance and let you slip away and dream dreams that you haven't seen before.

I guess music is an experience. Lately we only hear or listen to music, even dance with the beat. But we don't really experience it. I have been told that tracks in a CD is arranged in a certain way because it has to be listened that way. The arrangement maximizes what the musician wants. It was i suppose meant to take us away to someplace else and see visions. Whatever that means. Though i agree. It is nice to listen to CD's from the first to last track. sometimes I come back panting. But now, with a million assorted songs at our disposal, we get shorter attention spans and get bored and move on to the next song we seem to like listening next. We get fragmented and disconnected. We do not have value to anything and anything is subject to disposal at the end of brief lives. Like nothing matters anymore and everything are just mere objects.

And then I am just rambling. I do not know where this is headed. Although, what i know is that if you like the IPod just because it maximizes your cow licks or it really goes well with your bag and you feel you really look happening with headphones placed in your ear eventhough music is not playing, you might as well have just skipped this post and went on with your life. hehehe.

Vigor have crept up the ceiling. Some are hiding high above, behind the curtain the others lurking behind closets, crouching with hands covering their heads eluding a feral beast. Energy has decided to relive second chilhoods and played hide-and-seek. The dampness of the august rain hovers above roofs like a cloud from where it came from and settled down on every imaginable crevice. Leaving thin strips of ribbon on the gutter. Slithering away to look for a nest. Effervescent. Gray. Dirty.

I die from non-activity. Swirling, spiraling into a forced stupor.

hey listen...

I have been going over stuff I have posted in a blog in my networking site account. I was just surprised to have encountered a post that I made years ago. Ho-hum... To be young and so emo, words coming from Ingrid, who is a friend of mine. Yes, youth can be sweet yet, tumultuous at times. An oxymoron. An irony. A sarcasm. Confusing times as it may seem but, youth is delightfully chaotic.

Here is the post as written:

hey Listen!

i have come to think that i am getting nowhere with my creative writing. i hone myself and create endlessly and yet, nothing. even with my visual arts.

sometimes i wonder why i keep on writing with no readers, no addresee's, no critics. it seems all just a waste of my time and energy.

i also wonder why i keep on wasting money with rolls of film and processing expenses. i wonder why i bother to compose images in my minds eye without anyone receiving my messages that are conveyed. not even just appreciation of aesthetic elements of my products.

i'm an arrow that soars endlessly, seeking a target that is not there to begin with. or is it that this aspiration will not be satisfied? am i just like a child that reaches for the brilliance of the dancing stars?

is it just out of my league? not meant to be?

i need to do some evaluation. i need to find something. eventhough i don't know yet what that something is. i will still try to find it. whatever it is. i hope luck is on my side.

oh, yes.... what was I thinking??? Still, years later I find myself still pushing through it all. An arrow still looking for its target. Aspiring without the hope of satisfaction. An adult now yet still has this child within reaching for the dancing stars above. Only faith I guess guides me through. That's all I have for now. Geez... I'm not getting any younger, I'm at my wit's end. Save me!