hey listen...

I have been going over stuff I have posted in a blog in my networking site account. I was just surprised to have encountered a post that I made years ago. Ho-hum... To be young and so emo, words coming from Ingrid, who is a friend of mine. Yes, youth can be sweet yet, tumultuous at times. An oxymoron. An irony. A sarcasm. Confusing times as it may seem but, youth is delightfully chaotic.

Here is the post as written:

hey Listen!

i have come to think that i am getting nowhere with my creative writing. i hone myself and create endlessly and yet, nothing. even with my visual arts.

sometimes i wonder why i keep on writing with no readers, no addresee's, no critics. it seems all just a waste of my time and energy.

i also wonder why i keep on wasting money with rolls of film and processing expenses. i wonder why i bother to compose images in my minds eye without anyone receiving my messages that are conveyed. not even just appreciation of aesthetic elements of my products.

i'm an arrow that soars endlessly, seeking a target that is not there to begin with. or is it that this aspiration will not be satisfied? am i just like a child that reaches for the brilliance of the dancing stars?

is it just out of my league? not meant to be?

i need to do some evaluation. i need to find something. eventhough i don't know yet what that something is. i will still try to find it. whatever it is. i hope luck is on my side.

oh, yes.... what was I thinking??? Still, years later I find myself still pushing through it all. An arrow still looking for its target. Aspiring without the hope of satisfaction. An adult now yet still has this child within reaching for the dancing stars above. Only faith I guess guides me through. That's all I have for now. Geez... I'm not getting any younger, I'm at my wit's end. Save me!