Musings of an Ant in the summertime (The Ant and I)

It was the height of summer. As expected of the season, a sweltering heat works up the neighborhood that I am living in. Seeking refuge from the scorching midday heatwave, I decided to take a whiff of a refreshing summer breeze at the porch outside the house with a cold glass of ice water in hand. Not that It would greatly affect the situation, but to at least have done something in vain than not doing something at all.

I scanned the area that surrounded me and gave a exasperated sigh. Everything in sight bathes in the radiance of the summer sun, the tall mango trees at our neighbor's lawn, the glowing street pavements even the street signs were giving off an uncharacteristic brightness. A breeze would blow once in a while, yet it doesn't appease my situation with its warm air tracing my sweat moistened skin.

"Nope." I said to myself. There's no escaping the heat.

Placing the glass on top of a black metal table on the porch with a bonsai plant in the middle, nothing great about it. It's just black. I sat down in a matching black metal lounge chair, leaning my head back. Savoring the numbness of my head. I glanced at the bonsai that was placed in the middle of the metal table and saw an ant carrying a somewhat large chunk of bread. Well, large for the ant I presume. I watched the Ant for a while and realized that it was going in circles. walking at the edge of the pot that the Bonsai plant is in. It kept on doing that fr several minutes until I decided to strike a conversation.

"Hi, Mr. Ant. I was observing you for quite some time now and it seems that you have been circling around the bonsai plant several times" I said.

"Oh yes, I did not notice you sitting there." The ant answered while taking a glance of me then resuming its circular path of walking.

I noticed a different expression from the ant's face and asked,"Might you be in a tight situation?"

"I must admit I am." He said as a matter of factly speaking.

"What is the problem then?"

"I'm lost"

"Lost?"

"Yes."

I was surprised to hear that answer. It was the first time I heard that an ant got lost. Then he went on, explaining the situation.

"Here I was carrying this great find of a food to bring back home to our hill then all of a sudden I just lost the trail that was made by my brothers and I am having a hard time locating it again. I must have strayed far since I have been trying to find the trail for a few hours already. And still I couldn't find my way back."

"whoa, quite a dilemma there." I said sincerely.

"It's nothing I should be worried about." the ant said earnestly. "I know everything will turn out fine."

"How can you be so sure?" Said I. "Nobody can be so sure that everything would be alright in the end."

The ant suddenly stopped on its tracks. Took a great look at me. He then suddenly smiled and said,"Well, nobody can be sure that everything would not be alright either. Don't you agree?"

Feeling like a debater losing an argument I just responded,"you've got a point there mister."

"Yes, I know I have a point here. Nobody knows what may come their way in the future. Life can be very capricious and give you something that you don't expect. You may like it or not, though you are powerless over it. If it gives you something pleasant then congratulations. If it gives you something bad, tough luck. We aren't in the position to complain."

The Ant placed down the large chunk of bread he was carrying and continued on,"Life is not about getting what we want and enjoying the high life. Then It would be boring that way, don't you think?"

I responded with an earnest nod, beads of sweat visibly hanging on my temples.

"Life is about how we make out of it regardless of what we have at the moment. It has a lot of twists and turns and enjoying the ride seems the most practical option to take." He then picks up his chunk of bread lying on the soil and said," So, I just keep on going. Nothing else. Besides, moping around does not solve anything. As I said, life can be fickle and perhaps it may have some sort of surprise for you as you turn a corner."

"I sure hope so..." I replied.

The ant then started walking again. Scurrying its feet. "I better get going. I've got to get this food back home. It's almost rainy season."

"Like the ants that you guys are. Always ready for the worst." I reckoned to him.

"I guess so."

"What are you going to do now? Since going around in circles is not doing you any good?" I asked.

"Walk somewhere else I believe is an obvious option."

"Why don't you try going down that pot and try heading east? I have a feeling that something's up there."

"I'll try it then. Nothing to lose. thanks."

"No Problem." I said.

The ant scurried off the pot of the bonsai plant and saw it jump off the edge of the metal table and started heading east. I tried to think about what the ant pointed out earlier while listening to the warm breeze that rustled the leaves around. I shook off the thought shaking my head."Pointless thinking is worse than not thinking at all" I said to myself.

I picked up the glass that I placed on the table, a lot of liquid has condensed on it already leaving a very wet circle on top of where it was placed. I took a sip and placed it back. I took out a pack of cigarettes, Marlboro lights, that I had in my pocket and a black lighter. I took a stick, placed it on my mouth and held the lighter close to the tip and with a deep breath and click lit the cigarette.

I followed the smoke that I blew out from my mouth and led my eyes to a mango fruit hanging on a tree. It looked that it would be ripe soon. Glowing in the brightness of summer.

tell me why

After 6 books that have been released, can you tell me why there was no mention of the main characters of Harry Potter taking a bath? The fourth book about the triwizard tournament being an exception. We found out that there is a big big big bath tub for PREFECTS only. So, do they have to be motivated by life threatening situations before they even wet their hair? Are Prefects the only one who has the right to be squeaky clean and stink-free? Why is that Hogwarts does not house any more baths that is open to the general studentry besides that of the the one only for prefects? For the professors? How about them?

Harry, living in Privet drive over the summer doesn't even go to the bathroom for anything. Surely the Dursley's would have a water closet lying around the house.

I am just so diturbed with the thought. It is just so weird that they don't even feel the need to wash away filth.

But, I have come to a conclusion... Their wands!! Though there was never any mention of them swishing around their wands onto themselves to get cleaned up though. Is it too private of a matter that you couldn't get even a hint of it that they take care of their personal hygiene?

And then I get disturbed again. Oh, the cycle... the cycle...

A Better Ressurection

I have no wit, I have no words, no tears;
My heart within me like a stone
Is numbed too much for hopes or fears;
Look right, look left, I dwell alone;
A lift mine eyes, but dimmed with grief
No everlasting hills I see;
My life is like the falling leaf;
O Jesus, quicken me.

~~Sylvia Plath

a slow meandering of thoughts

Sometimes when you try to do something to achieve some desired results, you have to be ready to do some risks along the way. But, whenever you let go of those risks to take its course and try not to think about it, it haunts you even more.

Even when you achieved the endpoint that you wanted, it doesn't feel the way you want it to be. It is as if those risks that you take turn the sweet taste of victory into the sour scent of guilt. Or is it guilt?

Is it guilt or a realization of the difference between black and white? A realization, that he indeed got lost. A dive into the great gray area. A person finding himself lost in the the rabid dance between the concept of right and wrong. If you're not careful enough, it may crush your bones into fine dust with a swish. Leaving you with nothing else but the jelly-knees.

I once heard that:

"Usually, people make self-destructive choices, not because we want to nor we don't have a choice. But, rather we choose to go through hell with our own doing because it feels so much better when we stop."

So does this explain my behavior assuming that i made bad choices? I hope so. Though, I believe it is more complicated than we think.

A Refute to a Previous Post

They say:
"Good things come to those who wait"

I say:
It better be. Else, the bedlam that bides its time amidst my shadow would break loose, assuming its reign.
I'm not settling for anything less.


Every person has his/her own limits. Madness awaits beyond the edge.

A dive into time

Lately, I have been going around Metro Manila with the sole purpose, i guess, is to wear out my feet and my pocket. harhar. Good thing I have my sister to run to in order to score some cash. hehe.

This morning I accompanied my sister to Paco Park to meet her potential florist and event stylist for her wedding. We were forced to catch a bus on the way there, and for the rest of the day: around town, since nobody at home including the author and the supporting character was willing to drive. Heck, we had to settle on commuting. (ang dami kasing kaartehan *wink*)

I couldn't help but notice that for me, riding the bus and walking around Manila is are is like time travel. Manila being a very old place in the Philiipines holding up bottles memories. I have perfumed and bottled memories of my own.

When we boarded the bus at the station, I couldn't help but feel a nauseating pungency of nostalgia. For five years, I had the bus to bring me to and fro school when I was in College. I recalled the different possible scenarios of a trip (weather, number of passengers, driver, etc.). Everything was so familiar yet, distant in the past.

I can still remember the light and airy , yet strong scent of newly switched on airconditioning like what I used to smell when going on field trips back in elementary. Different shapes and faces boarding the vehicle. I remember different chats with people I know to while away those long and arduous trips. How people can become close after a series of bus trips. And of course how I catch up some sleep when I get the bane of voluntary/involuntary insomnia.

I know this is a pointless and boring post but, i just couldn't let it pass. It just made me realize that growing up is inevitable. years before I was reminiscing about high school experience while riding the bus. Now, I reminisce about riding the bus itself. Funny, how life can throw you in different directions and not even noticing it until it is so far away already and you can't fall back anymore.

After paying a visit to dream land during the journey, we got to our destination in one piece. My sister got the deal that she wanted, and i got to take some interesting photographs. though, my camera is a 35mm so I couldn't upload it here till next time.

After that trip down to memory lane. My sister spilled that we had to battle out another one. She took me to Baclaran on a mission, for a gown-hunt. But, that's another story.